My parents recently relocated to sunny Florida. They are temporarily staying with my sister and her husband and their three youngest children that are still at home. My parents are having a blast spending time with the grandchildren. Although they are enjoying the time spent with the grandchildren weekdays; their weekends are set aside for house hunting. What fun!
Purchasing this home in Florida is their first time buying with advantages of the internet. While they are working with a real estate agent; they also do some house hunting online via several real estate websites. But at the end of the day, they still have to visit the properties to see its highlights, flaws, and potential to get a clear perspective. Walk through the property and see firsthand what the reality is and not only what the owner wants them to see; the good and not the bad.
After several weekends of visiting at least two dozen homes, they’ve determined, for them at this time in their life, buying a home with “potential” that requires a lot of work to get it to their liking is a no-go. The house may show well, but the flaws may outweigh the potential. Because they are likely to purchase a resale home, they know perfection is unrealistic, but they do have deal breakers.
Much like dating and marriage. With what appears to be the recent rash of domestic violence incidents in the news I couldn’t help but make the parallel between my parents home buying process and dating/marriage relationships.
In 2017 there are more and more ways to meet potential mates; dating coaches, matchmakers, online dating services, phone dating apps, and so on. But at the end of the day, one still has to spend time with and see in person the individuals highlights, flaws, and potential to get a clear perspective. Getting a clear perspective of any yellow or red flags.
For example, a shack is a shack. Putting a fresh coat of paint, new windows, and a few plants outside doesn’t make the shack a grand estate. There is work at the ground level, to the foundation; to the structure, etc. to make it inhabitable. People aren’t much different.
Most people show well. The pictures posted on the dating websites or in the matchmaker’s database show the “best” and “potential,” person. Always putting the best self forward while fatal flaws may remain well hidden. But we all have flaws. We are imperfect human beings. However, there are deal breakers. When a human beings imperfections are violent and or abusive, their “potential self” requires lots of work, allow them space and time to get the work done without you.
Domestic violence, according to Wikipedia, is a violent pattern of behavior which involves violence or other abuse by one person against another in a domestic setting, such as marriage or cohabitation.
Most domestic violence incidents go unreported. Unfortunately, except one person, the following incidents were recently reported as a result of the victim’s death:
- Jeanine Shante Skinner, 35 years old. Professor of Gerontology and psychology at the University of North Carolina Charlotte. Found dead in her apartment. Her boyfriend has been arrested and charged with her murder.
- Lauren Wallen, 31 years old. High school teacher, four months pregnant. Found dead in a shallow grave. Her boyfriend has been arrested and charged with her and the unborn child’s murder.
- Dasheira Barksdale, 30 years old. Stabbed to death. Her boyfriend has been arrested and charged with her murder.
- Andrea Grinage, 30 years old. Pregnant and set on fire by her boyfriend. He turned himself in and charged attempted murder.
- Meredith Hight, 27 years old and seven of her friends; Anthony “Tomy” Cross, 33; Rion Morgan, 31; James Dunlop, 29; Myah Bass, 28; Caleb Edwards, 25; Olivia Deffner, 24; and Darryl Williams Hawkins, 22. All eight of them shot to death by her estranged husband.
L.T. Lewis is a Spiritual Strategist, Author, Speaker, Personal Development & Executive Coach, and Entrepreneur. She facilitates ‘next level,’ free- from-boxes-living for her clients. She is also an Amazon Bestselling author of S.H.I.N.E. and WIN: Five Keys to Conquer the Fear of Failure available here. She is an overjoyed empty nester and proud mother of two young adults; one a school teacher for special needs children and the other a Navy Corpsman. GO NAVY!
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and the President of the US tweets a picture of him visiting violence against a woman and there is almost no comment. When violence is normalized it is more and more difficult for women to discern what is unacceptable and how dangerous violence against them is.
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