“Do what scares you most,” they say. God, this is obviously creating a panic inside of me.
I know tackling this fear is crucial to family and friends and my sense of call. I know this in my head. But my soul is cringing right now. The one thing that scares me the most creates flutters in my heart (and not the “falling in love” kind). I feel the warmth of fear rising to my face.
I want to stop. Can’t we do this another day? Wouldn’t it be nice if I didn’t have to do this at all?
But, God, you need me to complete this task. You are asking me to journey on this road to share light and love.
So now I look to you to calm my thumping heart and my swirling brain. You will be my companion on this journey, and as you ride next to me, fill me with peace that can overtake all anxieties.
The Rev. Michelle L. Torigian is the Pastor of St. Paul United Church of Christ, Old Blue Rock Road in Cincinnati. Her essay “Always a Pastor, Never the Bride” was in the RevGalBlogPals book There’s a Woman in the Pulpit. She also has chapters in the books Sacred Habits: The Rise of the Creative Clergy and A Child Laughs: Prayers for Justice and Hope. Torigian blogs at http://www.michelletorigian.com.
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