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My preferred pronoun is “she”

“Sasha” (not her real name) has just finished the third grade. She began her school year with the name given her at birth, a name reflecting that she was originally gender identified as “male.” By the end of the year, she had chosen a new name, and we were referring to her by her preferred pronouns “she, her, hers.”

Sasha is one of several transgender children and youth who I know as their substitute teacher, their neighbor, their family member and, before retirement, as their pastor. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, about 2% of high school students identify as transgender. This makes it highly likely that there are at least a few trans kids in every school.

Transgender children and youth are at risk. Twenty seven per cent of trans kids feel unsafe at school, compared to 5% of cisgender males and 7% of cisgender females. Thirty-five percent of trans students have been bullied and 35% have attempted suicide. Uncounted in these stats — and arguably at even higher risk — are non-student youth: those who have dropped out or are homeless, for example.

Watching Sasha navigate her transition over the school year, I observed almost all teachers respecting her story and strongly advocating for her. They found creative ways to educate classmates and respond to questions. They were aware of any aggressions directed at her, and they intervened. Elementary schools were equipped with gender neutral, one person restrooms for students and for the staff. Yet to be fully eliminated: “Boy/girl” is sometimes still used a way to separate groups or to organize lines, games, or pep rally cheers.

What would Sasha find in our “all are welcome” churches? A gender neutral restroom? Non-gender-based ways to mix up our litanies and hymn sings?  

The overall political climate directly affects the safety of transgender students. A study released this month in the journal Pediatrics showed that identity-related bullying can increase for students when there is a climate of “heated political discourse over proposed laws involving marginalized groups,”

Some anti-transgender battles heating up the current political climate:

The very existence of these public debates declares human rights debatable, human rights optional, and threatens the safety of trans kids. 

The first curiosity about each of us — “Is it a boy or a girl?” — became our first identifying label. School is one of the places where kids discover new things about themselves — “I live in a state called Texas” or, for Sasha, “I am sure I don’t belong in the ‘boys’ line.”

Church is another place of self-discovery. Am I really God’s beloved creation — wonderfully made, fully loved — no matter who I am? How is that acceptance fully extended to trans kids in my faith community? Do the lessons and the language reveal a community no longer ordered around “male and female”?

Sasha and other trans children rely on us adults because they are children. May we create safe spaces for them. May we advocate for their safety and their full potential. May they know in their bodies that God’s love is for them. And even as they are taught to recite the words, may they truly experience “liberty and justice for all.”

 ***Valuable information for pastors and churches, too.
Schools in Transition: A Guide for Supporting Transgender Students in K-12 Schools
(Human Rights Campaign)


Rev. Sharon M. Temple is a United Church of Christ pastor living in Austin, TX. She is a contributor to the RevGals book There’s a Woman in the Pulpit and blogs erratically at Tidings of Comfort and Joy.


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2 thoughts on “The Pastoral is Political: Our Transgender Children

  1. Sharon, my own children are identifying as trans and exploring gender. Thank you for this, it’s an important part of our conversation around inclusion. My children are not comfortable in the church I serve, partly because there’s no bathroom they feel comfortable in, partly because there are people they do not feel safe with. It’s very sad, but I don’t feel safe in challenging the church straight on yet, since we are new pastors. I’ve already been accused of “getting political” when I didn’t feel that I was. Argh. Hopefully as we build trust we can begin to bring everyone to the table. This is church who is tolerant of one another in many ways (it’s three denominations – PCUSA, UMC, and Disciples – and they’ve worked together for nearly 50 years), but they are part of a fairly homogeneous community. It’s hard to move slowly, but that’s what it will take. ~Natalie Moon-Wainwright

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Thank you for your response, Natalie. I am so glad that your kids have you and David as parents! I, too, have served churches where certain conversations would not happen, at least for awhile. My prayer is that, as best we are able, we will let people know what is at stake. My love to you and your family!

    Liked by 1 person

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