Wit’s Ends Day: 10 Commandments of Zoom

I am the Reverend, your pastor, who invited you into this land of Zoom, out of the building where Coronavirus can spread.

1. Thou shalt keep track of the Zoom links I send you.
2. Thou shalt mute yourself when you are not speaking, even if you think you are the magical exception to this rule and don’t need to mute. Because your dog will bark or your cat will knock a jar of marbles onto the tile floor or your phone will ring and you will answer it and have an entire conversation not remembering that WE CAN ALL HEAR YOU. Thou shalt remember that to mute you just click on the little microphone picture at the bottom left of your screen and there shalt be a line through the picture when you are muted.
3. Thou shalt unmute while you are talking. Most of us do not read lips that well.
4. Remember the Zoom time and keep it focused. All day you shall email and Facebook and watch YouTube videos and read news articles. But during the Zoom time you shall rest from your other internet labors—and close your other browser windows.
5. Honor your computer hardware and internet connection so that your signal may be strong during the meeting to which I am inviting you.
6. Thou shalt not sit so close to the computer camera that we can only see an awkward portion of your face/body.
7. Thou shalt not send a chat to everyone that is only relevant for one person.
8. Thou shalt not accidentally share your screen, thus showing all that you are violating commandment number four.
9. Thou shalt notice that the red “record” light is blinking and speak accordingly.
10. Thou shalt leave the meeting when it is over so that I, your pastor, am not awkwardly sitting on Zoom, afraid I will hurt your feelings if I leave first or kick you out.

Rev. Joanna Harader is the Zoom host for Peace Mennonite Church in Lawrence, KS. Her blog is Spacious Faith.

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