A few weeks ago, RevGalBlogPals president Julia Seymour invited her Facebook friends to make her choose between two entirely unrelated things. I asked her to choose between Girl Scout cookies* or the deutero-Pauline letters.
I’ll spare you Julia’s response, but the result of it was a long conversation about which type of cookie embodies each of the New Testament letters. Here’s our list! What do you think?
*Note for those not based in the USA, Girl Scout Cookie time is an official season here, like spring or Christmas or pumpkin spice. Pretty much everyone loves Girl Scout cookies, and their sale supports leadership development programs for girls and young women.
Galatians: Thin Mints
Classic, delicious, a favorite of nearly everyone, applicable in nearly every situation.
Romans: Shortbread / Trefoils
Ever stalwart, you know what you’re getting. You want pizzazz? Not here. You want a classic, all purpose, fits almost every occasion? This is the cookie and the epistle.
1st & 2nd Corinthians: Caramel deLites / Samoas
There’s just about everything in these. You want to love them, but you also kind of want them to make up their minds about what they are.
Philippians: Tagalongs / Peanut Butter Patties
This is the epistle of joy. Chocolate and peanut butter= cookie of joy. Have the same mind that was in Christ and know a good cookie when you see it!
Philemon: Lemon Ups
Not really good on its own, nor in combo with anything else. Doesn’t make a strong enough point to stand on its own, wouldn’t be missed if pulled from the lineup. Probably should be pulled from the line up. Didn’t even rate complete sentences in this paragraph.
1st & 2nd Thessalonians: Do-Si-Dos / Peanut Butter Sandwiches
We keep these because they’ve always been there, but they’re not the favorite of many people, and you kind of question the judgment of anyone who says that they’re better than Thin Mints or even the shortbread cookies…
Ephesians: Keebler Deluxe Grahams Fudge Covered Graham Crackers
Masquerading as the Girl Scout S’mores cookie (aka Pauline letter), but actually a different brand (author).
Colossians: Classic Chips Ahoy
It’s a cookie. Clearly recognizable as an epistle, you wouldn’t be surprised to see it served alongside other recognizable epistles. It should not, however, be passed off as coming from the Girl Scout bakeries or as homemade.
1st & 2nd Timothy: Homemade
Forget the cookies that they sell, these are the cookies that the Girl Scouts make at one of their meetings and bring home to share with you. Homey, personal, perhaps not the most finessed, but definitely heartfelt. Of course, there’s that one person who keeps bringing up the section about women remaining silent – that is a cookie with raisins that you THOUGHT was chocolate chip. These are sneaky.
Titus: Weight Watchers Chocolate Marshmallow Puffs
Somewhat judgey and problematic, but apparently it works for some people.
1st & 2nd Peter: These are rich, delicious chocolate cakes. Unfortunately, they come with a super-judgy voice in your head that won’t let you enjoy the good things. All the voice discusses is the coming judgment. There’s no reason not to enjoy cake, but the thought of judgment prowls like a lion and prevents anyone from fully enjoying the delicious cake. Sad.
1/2/3 John: Cream-based pies. Maybe you like them, maybe you don’t. But God is love and so is meringue.
Jude: No. Just walk away. This is a dubious gelatin mold with shredded carrots AND bananas. Nope. It’s better not to have dessert instead of this. In fact, since you’re skipping it, you can have an additional beverage of your choice.
Hebrews: Pepperidge Farm Milano Cookies
This one is definitely 1) another brand, 2) best in small doses, and 3) occasionally confusing in its serving size recommendation. It’s also a higher class of dessert.
You might not like it, and it’s certainly not meant to be dessert, but have faith that everything works better with some spinach in it.
Revelation: 7- Layer Dip
It’s definitely going to give you indigestion if you consume it in large quantities or try to separate the layers.
Julia Seymour and Katya Ouchakof have crossed paths several times over the years, including during seminary at Yale Divinity School. As Lutheran Christians, they have a particular interest in Paul’s letters, and also cookies.
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